We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
