i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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