Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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