Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
