you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
