Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
