I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
