you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
