He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
