God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
