you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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