We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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