conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
