i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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