Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
