i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
