I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The uberlube is also flammable
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
