Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
