in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
