Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
