Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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