Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
