I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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