I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
