im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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