Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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