i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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