Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
