I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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