My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
