my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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