I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
