I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
