what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
