I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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