Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
