Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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