I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
