When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I checked into jail on foursquare
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
