Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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