Umm I'm too high to move.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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