Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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