she was so not down for the gang bang
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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