there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
