The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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