If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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