tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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