just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
