he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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