i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
