So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
