I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
